One Week Post-Op

This time, one week ago, I was in surgery. Time seems to drag on lately, yet I can’t believe that it has been a whole week. I’ve never been through this before, so I don’t know what “normal” looks like, but what I am going through is certainly not what I expected. I was asked the question this morning, “how are you feeling?” The answer is quite complex.

Physically, I am not in pain as much as discomfort. The implants were placed under my top pectoral muscle, so there is a general tightness in my chest. In addition, because we are waiting for gravity to do its thing, the implants are high and wide … so, I feel them under my armpits, and it is uncomfortable as well as wierd. Add to that the drain tubes that are stitched into each of my sides, and I think that explains why I would rather be sleeping than doing anything else.

The other physical aspect is just a general feeling of grossness. Now that the pain balls have come out, I can shower, but I cannot do everything myself, and it is quite an ordeal. While I would like to get back to my normal routine of showering daily, just thinking about it exhausts me. One of the reasons I chose to have the reconstruction at the same time as my mastectomies was so that I would look/feel normal. I didn’t expect my “breasts” to be perfect, but I was expecting more normal than this. It is hard. It is hard to look at – with or without clothes on – and it is certainly hard to face the reality as intimately as one does while showering. Even if I feel up to showering, both physically and mentally, I go back to putting on the same camisole top that I got in the hospital. It has velcro up the front and special interior pockets for my drains. Even though I have washed it, it is not flattering by any stretch of the imagination. So, I am left feeling … gross and unattractive.

I have already alluded to my mental/emotional state which is fragile at best. I must admit that I have gotten away from the habits of praying and spending time in The Word. Instead, I have retreated to my old escapes of sleep and television. Now, for those of you who know The Fredericks, you know that we don’t have but the basic channels … what we have instead is Netflix and Hulu+ which is much more dangerous in this situation. It took me only 2 days to complete the 5th and 6th season of Cake Boss … one after another … after another. The tears come at night, in the arms of my beloved, who does his best to comfort me. This will indeed be a long journey …

TREATMENT UPDATE: After the news that three of the five lymph nodes removed contained cancer cells, I called to make an appointment with my chosen oncologist and learned that her soonest available new patient appointment would be the 19th of this month. However, I heard back from her office today, and she has offered to come in early for a 10 AM appointment this Thursday. I’ll know more of what is to come after that.

Pain Balls and Frankenboobs

Pre-Op – I won’t lie … getting to the hospital at 6 AM was not fun. I didn’t realize how much would be happening before I went into surgery. Most of it was not bad at all. I was concerned at how the needles  would feel when radiology injected me with the tracer. Care to guess where the injections were? I’ll give you a hint: it’s a 6 letter word that starts and ends with ‘a’. It was not bad at all. In fact, it was less painful than when the nurse put in my IV. I was most anxious when I was laying in pre-op and waiting to be taken back to surgery. Pastors Todd and Adam came back with my David and prayed over me. I have never experienced God’s peace in such an overt and tangible way.

Post-op – For the first time in my life, I did not throw up from the anesthesia. A HUGE thank you goes out to the anesthesia department for that one. Dr. Orchard told David that the surgery was “boringly normal.” What a blessing! David got the kids, and they came up to see me that evening, but I was in and out of sleep from the anesthesia and pain meds. Izzy brought two books to read to me, but was disappointed that I couldn’t stay awake enough to pay attention … she left them for me to read and discuss with her later. The books? The Giving Tree and Aesop’s Fables. She is my sweetie.

Today – The pain balls are working ok, but I a still taking pain meds. What are the pain balls? Prior to surgery, someone from anesthesia came and inserted a tiny needle and tube just under the skin on each side of my back. Those tubes are connected to two rubber balls that have been filled with anesthesia that blocks the nerves in my chest area. These rubber balls (i.e. pain balls) are designed to slowly release the medicine over a 72-hour period in order to help manage and reduce the pain felt during these first few days post-op. With the pain that I have felt, I would hate to know what it feels like without these little miracle balls. :o) They do, however, make it hard to get around. That said, I have gone for two walks today and was able to shower. They weren’t joking when they said I’d be T-Rexing for a while. It hurts to do much of anything that uses my pectoral muscles.

What’s Next – I am not sure yet. All of the tissue and lymph nodes they removed have been sent to the pathology department. We should hear from them within 48-hours. The outcome of the pathology report will help the oncologist to determine what is the best course of treatment … if further treatment is necessary.

In the meantime, your prayers and encouragement are greatly appreciated.