I know it has been a while since I have posted anything. Have you missed me? There has been a lot going on, so I have been a bit busy and a bit avoiding. For starters, I went back to working full-time at the beginning of December. That was much better for me than I would have ever imagined. Shortly after going back, though, I lost my hair. It didn’t fall out in a big clump from one spot like I thought it would … it just gradually came out more and more until finally, on Friday, December 6, I had fist-fulls coming out while washing my hair. Then, I had to clean out my brush twice while getting ready for work. All day I knew … we would shave my head that night. Luckily, my taste buds had bounced back and I was able to enjoy a glass of wine – ok … a couple glasses of wine – before David and I went into the bathroom and he pulled out the clippers. I didn’t cry. It wasn’t that kind of traumatic. It was just weird. After a week of feeling normal again, here it was … another reminder that this is not yet finished.
I worked again the following week, except for Wednesday when I had Round 2 of chemo. Thursday and Friday went well, and I was back at work, but Saturday things went south quickly. I am thankful for our recently purchased bed and the fact that we spent a little extra for the adjustable frame. Yes, we felt like old people buying our “Craftmatic” (it’s not, it’s a Serta), but it has been a true blessing in this situation so I don’t have to fight with pillows or stay stuck flat on my back when the only place I want to be is bed.
The after-effects of Round 2 were quite different from Round 1 – some better and some worse. I have not battled the nausea or indigestion of last time, but I have had fatigue and body aches like I have never experienced before. When the pain meds don’t take away the pain, and I have exhausted every possible comfort position, the only thing to bring relief is a redden-your-skin-hot bath. I wished I could live in one the last two days.
As bad as the last few days have been, as soon as I walk into the Oncology Center – like I did this morning – I am reminded of how truly fortunate I am, even in this trial. I am n0t trying to shrink a tumor or stop a cancer that is metastasizing like a runaway train. My prognosis is absolutely positive. I had to remind Izzy of this the Sunday after I became bald. It was really hard for her to come to terms with me losing my hair. I think it is because, for the first time since this all began, I looked different … sick, even. It was the first really physical manifestation of this trial. I had to remind her, as I remind myself, that my surgery removed all of the cancer from my body. It is not the cancer that is causing the sickness now, but the treatment … and the purpose of the treatment is just to make certain that the cancer – the real problem – never comes back. I count myself among the lucky. I count myself blessed.